Aspie Sharing: Not Fitting in Socially

Willard:

It's funny, Bumble, I've always known I seemed weird or odd to others a lot of the time, I knew that my thought processes were different (I thought superior) to the way others considered things), but it's been specifically since my diagnosis, that I've really begun to appreciate just how differently others really are seeing me.

I've become gradually more hyper-aware of the subtle facial expressions people make when I express an opinion; at the momentary silences as others glance at each other before the conversation proceeds; the silent verbal sidesteps as they change the subject, as though I've said something that, if pursued, might lead to a fistfight.  Confused

I guess I sensed some of that before, sort of subconsciously, but now it makes me feel like I just stepped in a pile of dogsh*t.  Embarassed

The sense of alienation and being apart from the norm has always been a part of my life, but as I've come to understand how AS works and how it affects us, the mechanics of my own social disjunction has become much more obvious to me - not in any way that would give me tools to change it, it's just who I am - but it's been enlightening to get some sense of just how weird I actually seem to others and how blind I was to it for so many years.  Shocked

bumble wrote:
Do I seem very weird to you?


Not particularly - you seem to me to have the same issues as almost everybody on WP. Which is to say, for an Aspie, you don't seem weird at all, but to the rest of the world, Aspies are decidedly weird.

That's why the sense of being stranded on the Wrong Planet is such a common feeling among those with High Functioning Autism - not only do we feel that way, we probably seem that way to the neurotypicals around us as well.  alien
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"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks

I think that accounts for everybody here at WP. Ether you can't fit in or if you can fit in, You find yourself being miserable trying.

I can definitely relate to your frustration. I feel the exact same way every time I get rejected by someone socially. I assume it is my fault and that no one will ever love me or accept me or I feel like I ruined another relationship by being mean or thoughtless. I am often at a place emotionally where I think the solution is to interact with people as little as possible. Then I get suicidal thinking about 50 or 60 years of isolation and loneliness. 

When people say you are weird, they are saying you don't act like a normal person and it makes them uncomfortable. I think the answer as to why people think you are weird is that you are autistic and cannot pick up on the social cues and the unwritten social rules. Even if you did, you wouldn't follow them because they don't make sense to you. You think differently. 

The good news is that you can learn from your social mistakes. Also, not everyone considers being a weird person to be a felony offense punishable by death. Some people don't mind weird people. Some people even love weird people. I'm weird and people like me and even love me. I am the one that gets bent out of shape worrying that I will make a social mistake. Usually I don't, but when I do, I beat myself up unmercifully. 


I'm sorry everything is going the way it is for you right now, but I think things will be get better for you. I also share your anger at how unfair it is that we have to struggle so hard and change who we are just to get by when other people don't have to struggle so hard to have social relationships.