Adversity Strategy for the MindBlind

The Triumph of the Geek over Asperger in an Investment Banking Technology Career

Missing Social Cues

People with Autism Spectrum Disorder has short-sightedness, in a way that they see the headlines but not the fine prints, in regards to facial expressions and body languages rendering them to miss important but subtle social cues.

Benefits

Talent and unique qualities.

Social Skills

With the benefits, there comes with a cost (Social Deficits). This is where we could help. Our ministry to provide Christian leadership skills such that Aspies can conquer the social challenges that are faced everyday.

Ministry

Our ministry is to maximize the benefits by identifying the talent, fully develop it which fulfills God's plan on the person's life, gives the person a sense of self-worth and also minimize the cost (social deficits) by social skills training through cognitive behaviour therapy.

Showing posts with label Etiquette. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Etiquette. Show all posts

Friday, December 13, 2013

Aspie Sharing: Office Politics


From Willard:

I've had several management positions, of different types. In some, I had to oversee small crews under varying circumstances. It usually went pretty smoothly, but there always seems to be at least one incurable slacker in every group. It's almost like a mathematical principle in physics. Every group of more than two has to have at least one useless goof off.

In several instances, I operated an entire department that was entirely under my purview and control, but some of the work had to be farmed out to other employees who were technically overseen by a different manager.

The problem I ran into as an Aspergian was that my social blindness made me especially vulnerable to duplicity - I sometimes failed to realize that certain people were intentionally undermining me behind my back to my superiors until it was too late and often found myself being manipulated by people up the food chain with no recourse or innate skills with which to handle the situation.

I also found myself frequently in a position of RESPONSIBILITY, with NO AUTHORITY - i.e., a scapegoat. That's when they give you the duties of seeing something done, but don't give you the title that would allow you to put real pressure on the idiots you're supposed to be governing, so your crew knows you can't fire them and ignores every order you give them and you catch all the flack when everything crashes and burns. It's a classic No-Win Situation. Rolling Eyes
_________________
"I don't mean to sound bitter, cynical or cruel - but I am, so that's how it comes out." - Bill Hicks


From AutisticMillionaire
Tons of us aspies are in leadership roles, and of course you can learn to do it. I'm not sure how much a class might help, most of it's natural ability and ones personal expertise in a field but it can't hurt.

Look into the position you wish to fill, and think about problems that could arise with those you lead, learn the company lingo and products used in the field and take the mentality "This is my responsibility" always and never.."that aint my job" and you will find yourself the leader, and so will your boss.

I own a small company worth a few million dollars that I've grown over the last 10+ years, and a small side company as well. It's a family business, as we mostly employ family, and never had outside employees until recent history.

I have run a few non-profits connected to historical reenactment over the years though. So I'll cover mostly non-profits, and why they are psychologically more taxing in many ways.

Serious non-profits (of merit) I've lead.
Founder and former President to the Holy Curia of Ecclesiastical Reenactors (HCoER) -over 200 people nationally
Former President to the Shire of Silverkeep, sca inc. (Medieval Reenactment group) -over 45 people locally (non-profit)
President to the Outremer Society (Medieval Reenactment group) - Small (non-profit, currently on hold)
The Village of Tortosa Project- Over 40 members, we were going to build a small castle and village, but I shut down the project when I quit medievalism. Most likely made some people bitter towards me because some really wanted it.

Not serious non-profits (of non-merit) I've lead.
Former "Emperor of Montana" (Old Camarilla Vampire Larp) -Over 100 people locally (non-profit, no longer existent) Fun game, never learned the rules and ended up the grand poo-baa on chutzpah and charm. (I was also the groups "coordinator" or problem resolver of inter-group personal squabbles.) Proof Aspies can play social politics as well as any NT.

My experience is that running a for-profit enterprise, is completely different than running a non-profit for the reasons listed below. As president of a non-profit, I've had to talk to both television and newspaper reporters and other public speaking situations that I never have to worry about in my quiet nest at work. Work never made me run monthly meetings, or force social interaction outside of business. Work does not involve social phone calls, or small talk a non-profit requires and expects.

As a president of a local non-profit chapter, you are required to fill monthly reports to a national organization, and the collection of reports of your officers. Who are often unqualified volunteers...meaning you need to do multiple jobs like you would your own business. Just without pay or reward...

But unlike your own business you are forced to work (responsibility) without the ability to fire the bad workers (authority) or to do it your own way. Often hamstrung by a national group that's either incompetent, corrupt or a bit of both following their policies.

At work I can fire who I wish, and answer to no one, no monthly reports, no tedious meetings, no badgering officers, no paying for others out of my own pocket. No storing of goods, no weirdos, no people you hate but are forced to deal with regardless Smile . Non-profits will tax a persons leadership ability and patience more than anything.

So Willard hit's the nail on the head, responsibility without authority makes you a scapegoat.. and/or makes you feel used.

Leading a diverse group of volunteers of various ages, cultural backgrounds and individual resources is akin to "wrangling cats". Getting them focused on a goal with their various individual wants, was often a chore.

Non-profits are made of volunteers. Unlike hiring people, your not choosing the best of the best, your getting whoever shows up. This is where non-profits are the weakest, as they attract "folks looking for something to do" and not ambitious types hungry for the paycheck. What shows is empty-nesters, the lonely divorced, the serially unemployed, college kids and the like. Sometimes very enthusiastic, others just looking for something to do. Some following weird lifestyles, section eight, folks on med's, goodhearted but often hard to communicate with individuals. I'm not trying to sound judgmental, I'm just addressing my experience.

They want to contribute...but often volunteers, have "ideas". Most often bad ideas. Always ignoring the logistics, the storing and transporting of group goods/projects and real life costs. Often they end up depending on you and when you end up stepping down, people treat you like are betraying them leaving them leaderless.

I did it for years, it was work and I ended up hating the hobby I was part of for 27yrs. I have no interest in "leading" anything now but I'll run a business. I don't feel bad saying no all the time, as it's my money. It's not a collaboration, it's not shared goals...it's my goals. It's for my wife, myself, and my greater family at large. The only opinion is mine, and everything generally runs like clockwork. I run a tight ship,.

You can too! Remember we pay attention to details others don't...that's why I believe many aspies are natural leaders. We never could fit in with NT peers so many of us adapted to lead them. If you can't fit in, lead. If your asking the question, then your interested in the position and thus can do it. You can do it.
_________________
"I don't care half so much about making money as I do about making my point, and coming out ahead."

From Lammiu:

I was a leader working in a matrix project team. Even though I don't have formal authority to fire but because I was doing client facing and gathering requirements from clients. The india IT development team respected my expertise and knowledge such that we can deliver according to the need of the clients. I think indian staff are known for their obedience. I am Chinese. So it depends on the work environment and team structure. IT generally respect people's expertise especially you're on the client side even though without real authority.

Something beware. Because IT project are high risk of delay. Usually there is a shadow project manager that owns the formal title of a project manager. But the real person with authority is usually behind the person. I made the mistake of misjudging the project manager because of his lack of competency and look down on him. Later on, I realised the real project manager is insulted because of my attitude. So the formal manager is the representative or scapegoat of the "real" one. That's why we should not look down on authority even they are seemingly incompetent.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Q&A on Anger and Stress Management

If the parents often uses verbal attack and they may not aware of the negative effects on you, how do you forgive?

You need to ask the parents politely to stop it right at the point.  Otherwise, hard to forgive if they kept hurting you verbally.


I applied for a job at a country club as a waitress. I've been working there 4 days a week (when I'm not there I'm in school) and I honestly think this is one of the worst decisions I've ever made. I interact well with the club members and I rarely make mistakes on my orders, but it's so incredibly stressful for me. I feel as though I'm on the verge of a meltdown from the moment I put my apron on to the moment my shift ends. I have anti-anxiety medication, but I don't like taking it before work because it makes me drowsy. I really need this job but I don't know if it's worth the amount of stress it causes me.

Look for ways to create systems and routines if those are things that calm you down.

Q&A on Handling Co-worker Relationship

If your co-worker has been bad mouthing you in front of your boss and your boss told you about it.  How to deal with this person?

Just tell your boss, whatever he said is not true.  Let the boss deal with him.


Friday, November 8, 2013

Business Etiquette for Aspies


Shared from Repent:

“I tend to prefer one to one communication a work. In small meetings, I follow the rule that if there are 3 people- each person should talk about a 1/3 of the time, 4 people each person about 1/4 of the time, ect.
In larger formal meetings I'm lost. I don't know how to act in formal settings. In a recent staff meeting the boss got up and started speaking to the group. He was very formal, and other co-workers started acting 'different', I can't explain better. After a few minutes he said several things about me and my job that I didn't agree with, so, I interrupted him to correct him on the inaccuracies. I could 'feel' the other workers stare at me as I must have broken some 'invisible' rule about boardroom etiquette. In retrospect, I think I should just have let the boss talk and present without interruption, even though he was wrong.
It’s completely different from a person to person conversation, or an informal meeting of a few people. I haven't got a clue how to behave in a formal meeting? The boss then dismissed me from the meeting, and carried the meeting on with the rest of the staff. I was angry about being 'shut out', what could the boss say to the rest of the staff that he couldn't say with me present? I was fuming for the balance of the work day.
One on one with the boss I'm fine. Even informal meetings just in the office or in the hall way with my co-workers and the boss are fine. The formal boardroom meeting style is different and unfortunately beyond my comprehension? I can't pickup up on sublety, I often miss body movement, or other clues that other people can pickup up on.”

Wait until the other person finishes speaking before you reply or comment. That is good etiquette in any setting but is doubly important in a formal setting with a boss or executive. He called the meeting so he decides who and when people speak.


Responsed from AsPartOfMe:
“I would apologize to him. I would also say it was your first time in this type of meeting. Most NT's will be sympathetic if they understand your lack of experience and will try to explain things to you. This is called disclosing symptoms


BUSINESS MEETING ETIQUETTE
My presentation was adapted from:
http://www.articlesbase.com/leadership-articles/the-eight-ps-of-office-meeting-protocol-1130083.html



'Aspartofme' thanks for the link- 

I broke all of the rules laid out in the formal business meeting description it laid out. I will apologise to the boss and hope for the best. 'Aspartofme' thanks for the link- 

I broke all of the rules laid out in the formal business meeting description it laid out. I will apologise to the boss and hope for the best.